Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
