It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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