i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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