come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
