So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
