Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's great music for shaving your balls
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
