My nipple is on Facebook.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
