it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
