He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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