Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
