i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
