you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
