put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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