Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
