When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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