I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
