i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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