its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize