Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
