I'm so fucking centered right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
