i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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