There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
