Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
