That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
