We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
