it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
