I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
