Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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