Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
