loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
