How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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