I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
