My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
