so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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