this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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