I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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