I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
