ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize