Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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