I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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