so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize