no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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