I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
