why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
