Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
