Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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