he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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