So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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