so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is my gift to your gina
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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