you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
