your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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