Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
