She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
