i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize