She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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