Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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