yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
