He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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