Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
