If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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