i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
