We named our party play list daddy issues
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
