you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
