Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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