There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
