it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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