I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize