I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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