Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love having hate sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
